When "Little Barbara" was very small, she was bright and curious - speaking early and a lot - asking questions and curious. She heard, "Why do you have to know everything? Why do you ask so many questions? Over the years, that expanded to "Why do you have to talk to everyone?" After awhile, it made her feel that somehow what she was doing wasn't quite right. She settled for 'creative' activities like jigsaw puzzles and paint by number. That lasted for years!! Creativity ----NOT!
Then she married this guy who challenged her to try things - what can you lose - if it doesn't turn out 'right', you can always throw it away! The little girl who was often fearful to step outside of the box and try something on her own, began to be a student of creating but very slowly!! It started with crewel work and counted cross stitch, a bit of writing and gardening. Of course, 'she' is me!!
About 7 years ago, after I had been taking pictures for awhile and enjoyed playing with the camera...I saw a continuing ed course offered at the local community college - Creative Photography. Why? Why not?? Here I quickly joined a group of people who 'wanted to know how to use their cameras'. Bob, the jovial instructor suggested that they get out their manuals and it would be most helpful! Barbara - who has since become MARTIE - didn't need that because I had my husband to help with my questions. WHAT MARTIE REALLY LEARNED...I had more of a gift to SEE and realized that my camera brought me a quiet stillness that was so right...what I also realized is that the Technical part of using the camera and understanding photography didn't matter to me - what was important was BEING STILL and SEEING the beauty in the world. WOW!! And when challenged to do a self portrait for the class...I slowly began to set myself free.
There's more to the story - lots more and a lot of Lessons Learned as I have been making transitions into 'retirement' - whatever that is!! Some say that I need to take courses and workshops and channel my energy. They might be right, but right now, it's more important to BE STILL and SEE - be aware of what is all around and pay attention of life's synchronicities. Maybe if I were to try too hard to 'find my purpose', I would miss the gifts that flow into my
life everyday. Here's the new ME - my crazy quilt Guardian Angel - she has introduced herself to me as Filaree and is totally light and joyful!! There are always quiet purposes - and as my friend Allison and I were talking today, everything we do is meaningful. We just have to BELEIVE it!!
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